A Disconnected Christmas: What Can It Teach Us?

It’s been a tough year for all of us, and we’re in for a tough festive season to top it off. But what about those for whom being separated from family members is the reality even without the pandemic? Ruth Summerfield — Upbeat Syrian Resettlement Key Worker — shares her thoughts on how our disconnected Christmas can teach us about the experiences of many people seeking sanctuary in the UK this year.

It was 11am on a Monday and I was meant to be organizing a spreadsheet for our new face-to-face English classes. Instead my thoughts were on the ever-increasingly confusing issue of Christmas. The new 3-household bubble rule had just been announced and when your family includes two blended families, three countries and 7 households it is no simple task!

Of course I understood the reason behind the rules and we were all committed to following them, but I couldn’t help but feel a degree of helplessness and frustration about the situation. Whichever way I arranged it in my head, someone was going to be left out, someone was not going to see a loved one, and some degree of sadness was inevitable.

Knock knock knock. My attention snapped back to the present and I realised I’d almost forgotten about my 11:15 English assessment. I opened the door to a beautifully dressed lady in a purple headscarf with bright, smiling eyes. I ushered her in and gave her the assessment to do on a separate table (2 metres away of course!) and tried to get back to my spreadsheet. I wonder if we’re allowed to include extended households in the bubble? I mused, as my mind once again wandered off to Christmas logistics.

‘Done!’ said the lady with a smile. After I marked her test and we finalized her class we got chatting. She was here in the UK with her two children, after a dangerous and perilous journey that had seen exhaustion, sickness, endless miles of walking and pervasive uncertainty about whether they would ever make it. It’s a story that’s difficult to hear but nonetheless common among those that Upbeat works with. But there was more.

One of her children was still in her home country. Deemed too dangerous a journey, they had been left with a relative in the hopes of a swift reunion once they reached the UK. But it had been many years and it had not come to pass. Smiling eyes now filling with tears, she recounted her heart-brokenness about the separation, the missing of birthdays, rites of passage, the lack of understanding in her child’s young mind, and the loss of connection that video calling just can’t replace.

I thought back over 2020. The pandemic has given some of a us a small insight into what life feels like without the basics of community, connection and opportunity. All the missed time with family, and friends, isolation, uncertainty over the future, inability to make plans to move forward and the way it had all felt so alien, strange and disconcerting.

It struck me that this is what asylum seekers and refugees often experience as normality when they arrive in the UK, with no guaranteed promise of family reunion, no support system to fall back on, and often limited English to reach out for help. Even the vital lifeline to developing English and making friends in person had been cut for the majority of the year.

What we have experienced for 7 months or so is mild snapshot of what the people Upbeat works with often experience for many years. Add the trauma of losing a past life, a dangerous journey and difficulty of starting out in an entirely unfamiliar country and culture, well… Suddenly I’m feeling less frustrated over my Christmas bubble dilemmas and more grateful that I do have the opportunity to see any of my family at Christmas!

Upbeat Communities plays a huge role in providing the community, sense of belonging and support that can surround people when they first arrive to Derby to ease the difficulty of the transition and help people build a new life of hope. We are privileged to walk alongside people, becoming friends and neighbours and playing a part in their story, even during a pandemic.

— Ruth Summerfield, Syrian Resettlement Key Worker

Want to support refugees and asylum seekers as they rebuild their lives here in Derby? You can make a donation easily at upbeatcommunities.org/donate, or by using the buttons below.

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